This blog may turn into a rant, if it does that is not my intent.
The direction of my thinking is always towards mental wellness. In many places, by many writers and by the universal law of polarity we are told concentrating on the illness creates more illness. Concentrating on the opposite, in this case mental wellness creates more wellness. This is a lesson I have learned and taken to heart.
BP is a mental illness, not an excuse. We can choose to work towards mental wellness or we can use our illness as an excuse to stay the way we are. Those are our real choices, but those choices can only happen once we know what our problem is. When in the throes of our illness we are blissfully unaware. It is only when we get in a situation that causes us to be given a diagnosis do our choices appear. It is what we do after our diagnosis that is important. I have started looking at this one issue quite differently. I used to beat myself up severely for all the insane things I did in my illness. When I was in my illness I was sick. I can no more blame myself for that as I can blame myself throwing up on the floor when I wake up with severe nausea. It is unavoidable.
Actually, I quit beating myself up, period. I came to understand that all the things that I condemned myself for were either the result of my illness or the result of trying to learn this new way of living on the path to mental health, of which I knew nothing. I made a lot of mistakes learning this new way of living. Mistakes are just learning experiences, not God condemned sins. I have learned a lot about myself and the underlying causes for my inappropriate reactions to others. There are other issues in my life besides my BP, or maybe because of, that were the result of trying to kill the pain in my life. These other issues that my illness caused before I learned there was a real cause for the pain now must also be dealt with as well.
It is the idea that our shared illness is an excuse to remain as we are that troubles me and something I have little patience for. I have seen, or heard about, fellow BP sufferers who use their illness as a club in their relationships, be it their significant other, family, employer or whatever the relationship is. They use BP as a weapon to get their selfish ends met. Granted our illness makes us self-centered, but we can actually get over that if we do what is recommended, take our meds, use counseling and do what they suggest. Once we have a diagnosis we have choices and it is the choices we make that makes us either a better person or the same sick puppy we always have been. It is always our choice.
Keep to the path, the hard one. The easy one does not go anywhere.