One of the effects of BP is that we become somewhat delusional. That is to say, we can become detached from reality. A situation A to us appears baffling and confusing and others laugh, we get hurt and crawl away.
I have spoken of the fact, and it is a fact, that most answers are within ourselves, we just need to look harder than most to find them. That is our illness, the great blocker of life. If you truly want to live and quit using your illness as an excuse or wear it as a badge then read on. If not, don’t waste your time.
What we need to do is clear away first. You cannot plant a garden in a forest without cutting down and removing a few trees. I am not saying this is easy I have cleared ground and it is damn hard work, clearing all the garbage we carry within us is also really hard work. If you are not prepared to work hard this will just be information.
I found my myth list today and that is what started this line of thinking. All the crap I believed that separated me from reality. I am not going to list my false and delusional beliefs, you can make your own list. What I am going to talk about is these delusional beliefs and the consequential ridged defense systems we construct to defend those beliefs cut us off from life. Delusional beliefs, even “normal” people carry some, as BP sufferers seem to become deeply entrenched and strongly defended. More importantly I want to talk about the tools to dig them out with.
Why is it we never question our beliefs, we just react when they are violated. The biggest reason is that someone is violating them. Instead looking at ourselves we instantly look to the violator. We see all their short comings, pile up all past hurts. Sometimes not just their hurts, but every hurt or slight we have ever experienced in our lifetime, it all comes out.
We need to look at ourselves first. We need to quit looking out and look in. We need learn the value of a journal and asking ourselves hard questions. If I am doing the same behavior over and over, why? Don’t sugar coat, or deny it, answer the damn question. Why do I always put myself in these situations? This was the best question I ever asked myself. Finding the real answer – I had some stupid belief that those situations would not harm me – made it so I never got in those situations again.
Keep to the path, the hard one. The easy one does not go anywhere.