Tag Archives: Relationships

What We Should Never Sacrifice In A Relationship

There is a big difference between compromise (an agreement for the betterment of all the people involved) and sacrifice (giving away part of ourselves or things dear to us to our detriment) in a relationship. There are certain things we should never sacrifice in a relationship no matter what.

Never sacrifice YOU for a relationship. By YOU I mean THE THINGS THAT ARE YOU like:

Your Beliefs.

Your Values.

Your Dignity.

Your Self-worth.

Your True Self.

Your Likes and Dislikes.

Your Independence.

Never Sacrifice what is DEAR TO YOU for a relationship like:

How You Dress.

Your Dreams and Goals.

Your Children.

Your Family.

Your Friends.

Your Independence.

Your Belongings.

Your Finances.

Your Vocation or Livelihood.

As bipolar sufferers, we sometimes sacrifice something of ourselves or what is dear to us in a relationship while our bipolar brain tells us we are compromising. To sacrifice any of the things on this list open areas of serious incompatibility. Areas of incompatibility slowly erode the relationship and cause resentment. Learning what and when a compromise can be reached is important in a relationship.  The items that make up  YOU, like your beliefs, your likes and dislikes, your self-worth are not even open to compromise if you want a healthy relationship.

The only area where they can be any compromise is with the things that are dear to you. We all compromise a bit of our independence to be in an exclusive relationship, but we don’t give our independence totally away. We all compromise on spending time with our friends to be in an exclusive relationship, but we don’t stop seeing our friends because of the other person. We all compromise on spending time with family to be in an exclusive relationship, but we don’t shun our family to please the other person. We all compromise on our belongings to be in an exclusive relationship. We give up space in our closets and bathrooms as the relationship progresses. We decide who has the better couch and bed when we move in together. We do not get rid of everything we own to please the other person. We all compromise a bit on our finances to work together as a couple, but we do not give up total control. We may even compromise a bit on where and how we go to school or make a living, but we do not give up control of that either.

There can be no compromise when it comes to children, they are part of you. There can be a little compromise in the way you dress as well. How we dress makes us comfortable, to sacrifice how we dress makes us very uncomfortable.

As bipolar sufferers, we need to learn the difference between sacrifice and compromise in our relationships because the right relationship does not require detrimental sacrifices of anyone.

In learning this skill of differentiating between compromise and sacrifice, nothing can be more beneficial than a good therapist. Please see the attached link from Betterhelp.com on how to sign up for online therapy.

https://www.betterhelp.com/start/

As we conclude this week’s blog post always remember our battle with bipolar disorder is with and in our minds. Our battle is with our illness not with other people, places, situations or other external things.  Remember our battle for mental health will always be with our minds and our minds alone.

The great inspirational speaker, Jim Rohn, said:” Work harder on yourself than anything else.”

I say,” Work hard on yourself and everything else falls into place like magic.”

Keep to the path, the hard one. The easy one does not go anywhere.

 

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BLOG OF THE WEEK:

Many other people blog on bipolar and related subjects. Mental wellness is all about knowledge and learning about ourselves. The more informed we are the easier our struggles may be. Each week I attach a blog written by someone else that I found interesting that may inform you as well.  This is another author’s work I am just attaching their blog for you.  I hope you enjoy this week’s blog created by Myrko Thum

The Right Mindset: Change Your Mindset in 6 Steps

 

 

 

 

 

Relationship Guideline 2 Part 2

Why are you reacting rather than responding? This is the second half my second relationship guideline. This guideline asks both parties to do a couple of things, the first is to look at themselves first not the other person. The second is look at what they are doing before they act or speak.

Reacting is actually a way of responding to situations, it is almost always negative in the way it is done and you seem to have no choice about how it comes about. You are in a situation and you react, there seems to be no other option.

What if I told you that is the biggest lie you ever told yourself. Choice is the greatest gift we humans have been given and we always have it. Reactions of the emotional variety are simply ways we have conditioned ourselves to respond to things in an automatic way. This does not differ with reactions of the physical variety like ducking when something is thrown at you. Even reaction time is the same, you can actually speed up or slow down your reaction time with practice.

Your response to situations of the emotional variety are our subject today. When we react it is automatic, any other way of responding requires thought.  There is another bonus to responding rather than reacting, we can choose not to respond to some things at all. That was a real eye opener to me, I never knew I had the option to keep my mouth shut and my hands at my sides. I thought we always had to react with either our tongue or our fists.

The automatic response, called reacting, is not always our best response to any situation. The lesson I learned was when confronted with a situation to take a deep breath. The action of taking a breath was all that was needed to stop my automatic reaction and I could engage my mind and think of a better response or to not respond at all.

It is interesting that today my automatic response to most situations is to take a breath and think.

I say this guideline takes study and practice and it does. We do not stop reacting to situations instantly. The process takes time. For me learning I did not have to react that I can respond gave me that glimmer of hope there may be a better way of handling things in a relationship, I hope it does for you too.

Keep to the path, the hard one. The easy one does not go anywhere.

Please let me know your response to my blogs.