Barbra Streisand sang a song called “Memory.” For those of us who suffer from BP, memory is something that can be hit or miss.
It happened this way; I asked my girlfriend who she was listening to on YouTube.
She replied. “Guess.”
She honestly thought I should know this stuff. I cannot guess because I have no idea. There is nothing in the memory banks to guess with.
I used to find this frustrating, then it moved to humorous, then it became the truth. It is the honest truth that there are large chunks of my life of which I have no memory. I cannot remember a lot of stuff that happened, songs that were popular, supposedly famous people of the screen and other things that went on around me when I was in the deep throws of this illness.
In responding to my girlfriend I did not get angry, a real change for me, I just patiently explained to have a memory of a famous song or person you have to some form of contact with reality when the event occurred and I definitely did not have any grasp of reality at that time so there is nothing to remember.
I explained asking me to guess at something was a quick way to upset me as I had nothing to guess with. Just as asking her to fix most things was beyond her abilities guessing was way beyond mine. Actually, when it comes to fixing things I now have to rely on the manuals or YouTube as the memory banks have been wiped clean on a lot of things. There was a time in the not so distant past that I had trouble attaching a socket to my torque wrench because I could not remember how. I had to look it up on YouTube.
Today my girlfriend no longer asks me to guess, she understands that guessing is not something that I can do. For some people, they cannot grasp what this illness has done to scramble our brains. We have to be patient with these people and with ourselves, ever reminding ourselves there are people with no understanding of the effects of our illness.
Keep to the path, the hard one. The easy one does not go anywhere.