When you have BP issues that are slow to resolve spell danger. Long lasting issues, be they physical, financial or people orientated, tax us. Long lasting issues also allow us to practice all the coping skills we have learned in learning to overcome our illness. This proves they are transferable skills, who knew that in learning to manage our illness we were learning to manage life in general. This last year and half has been like that for me. For most of it I have been able to keep moving, show up for most days and keep the roller coaster of emotions that is going on inside me from taking over my life. Now for some of the past year and half I have to admit my emotions boiled over, depression kicked in and my old thinking tried to take over my mind. In the past I would have folded like a bad poker hand if confronted with an issue like I have faced this last while and not reappeared until the issue had gone away of its own accord.
I am not saying I have learned to face long lasting issues head on but I have practiced hard facing little issues in that way and that practice has seemed to help.
When things do not go the way I think they should I still become an emotional wreck, with anger and resentment leading the pack. I did practice taking a step back and respond instead of reacting in a lot of the dealings I had in the issue. I did not react inappropriately, but I did react sometimes. This only proved that I have not mastered responding instead of reacting completely yet, much less responding like Buddha or Lord Krishna with non-attachment. I am getting there though.
When it was explained to me that I needed to grow into my problems. In fact I was promised in writing that if I learned to grow beyond my problems; “I would intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle me.” I did not totally understand those statements at first, but understanding is in the doing. This has in fact proved true in many cases and for the most part in this long lasting issue. Where this has not proved true, it has given me new opportunities for personal growth and knowledge of new coping skills.
I did not realize that my run and hide attitude for handling the simplest conflicts and issues had stunted my growth in becoming the man I wanted to be. As I become more and more that person I find issues big and small that used to appear as unsurmountable all have solutions if you face them directly.
Keep to the path, the hard one. The easy one does not go anywhere.